What Life Would Be Like If You Were as Cute as Your Dog
As pet owners, there is always that moment when you’re looking at your pet and get overwhelmed by how impossibly cute they are. It’s that tight feeling in your chest and the overwhelming urges to hug them. In this moment you are dangerously susceptible to being emotionally manipulated by your pet. This got me wondering… what would life be like if I was as cute as my dog? Could I get everything I ever wanted? Or is a dog’s life just not suited to us humans?
I thought I’d share my thoughts with you, fellow pet lovers.
Pro: I’d get all the free food I wanted
People would be so overcome by how cute I was they would feel this overwhelming urge to give me free food and treats just to get my attention.
Con: It’s awkward to refuse food
Dogs aren’t that fussy when it comes to food, but I can be (you can keep your sandwich crusts and leftovers). I’d feel bad rejecting gifts of free food. Sniffing something, saying nothing and then walking away comes across as pretty rude (and strange) when a human does it. Honestly I’m still a bit offended if my dog rejects a treat from me.
All this politely accepting free food would definitely increase my calorie intake and I’ll end up being overwhelmingly cute AND cuddly. Not exactly ideal.
Pro: It would be easier to get my way
Nothing changes a ‘no’ to a ‘yes’ quite like looking into the eyes of your pet and seeing what you interpret as sadness and disappointment. It starts out as your dog being allowed on the sofa with your permission, but now you’re sitting on the floor because you don’t want to wake up your Great Dane who has sprawled out over the whole sofa. Imagine having that power in the human world. Best parking space? Mine. Best portion at dinner? Mine. Best spot on the corner sofa with the recliner? All mine.
Con: I’d never be taken seriously
One of the best parts of having a dog is the unintentional comedic relief they provide. Your dog doing the simplest thing can be funny or irresistibly cute.
Phrases which wouldn’t help in my professional or personal life would be ones such as:
‘Aww look at the way she eats her food’
‘Ha! Look at the way she’s trying to open that’
‘Aww she’s trying really hard to do a good job! There’s a good girl!’
Pro: I’d get to relax all day
Ok so this might not be directly related to being cute, but hear out my logic. Dogs were bred to work for us, but we quickly realised dogs are the best thing ever. So now we just let them do as they please and we humans pay to bask in their amazingness. So my logic is, eventually I’ll be able to get away with doing nothing, and I’d be too cute for anyone to get annoyed. Lazy Sundays, every day!
Con: Doing anything would be interrupted by proclamations of how cute I am.
Just think about it.
Try to have a nap, look cute, get woken up to have picture taken
Go for a walk, look cute, get complimented and baby-talked at by strangers
Go to a restaurant, look cute, have your meal interrupted by strangers who want to know what your name is and how old you are…
Ok this is getting strange now.
You know what, thinking about it, I think dogs have it pretty good, but I wouldn’t trade my human life for all the free treats in the world.
Some things just seem really strange when you apply them directly from the dog world to the human world…